OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
