Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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