Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What a dumb baby whore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
