This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
