His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
