why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
