I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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