im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
