I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
