At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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