im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
