uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was like eating out sand paper
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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