I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
