i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
