In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
