Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
