I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
