turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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