If i come over, it means nothing
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
