I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
