pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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