He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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