he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
