We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
