he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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