you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
