you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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