I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
