You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
