I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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