Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize