i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
