Are we in a gay sports bar?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
