Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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