So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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