Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is my gift to your gina
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
