Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
