By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
