Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
