Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
