Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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