wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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