Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
