ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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