My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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