I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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