i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
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somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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