How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
