i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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