this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
