I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How's work?
Spinning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
