I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What drink are we having for lunch?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
