I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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