i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
