Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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