If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
