I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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