we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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