Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
