I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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