I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
