my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
