The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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