dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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