today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
