Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
