so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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