I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
