You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
