you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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