I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
