Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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