Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
